it's not me, it's him.

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Fri, 20 Jul 2012 15:57:42 -0400

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Fri, 20 Jul 2012 15:38:23 -0400

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Fri, 20 Jul 2012 15:33:55 -0400

Let's Talk About Sex

Fri, 20 Jul 2012 15:27:08 -0400

Me: Is it me?

J. Redprick: No.

Me: Are you suffering from erectile dysfunction?

J. Redprick: No.

Me: Jock itch?

J. Redprick: No.

Me: A yeast infection?

J. Redprick: No.

Me: Are you gay?

J. Redprick: No.

Me: Are you asexual?

J. Redprick: I don’t know.

Ageism and Confessions

Fri, 20 Jul 2012 15:19:17 -0400

Me: So you’re not into her?

J. Redprick: No. Not all. I could never date anyone younger than you.

Two months later I found the email confessing his love, admiration, and respect for her.

Here’s a selection from the email that killed any possibility of reconciliation (paraphrased), sent two weeks post breakup: “I couldn’t talk to you much until now, I didn’t want to alienate [the author].”

mydadtakespictures: Bowery, NYC, 1978

Fri, 20 Jul 2012 15:09:09 -0400

mydadtakespictures:

Bowery, NYC, 1978

On The Landings

Fri, 20 Jul 2012 15:08:00 -0400

***They were innocent bystanders. Cute as can be. The definition of impartial. Got nothing but love for them.***

On P. Ricks

Fri, 20 Jul 2012 15:04:00 -0400

Name: P. Ricks

Demographic: White/Asian/Male/early-40s

Celebrity Doppelgangers: 50% Fat Joe; 50% Taiho

sergioalbiac: Always and forever (by Sergio Albiac) -...

Fri, 20 Jul 2012 14:54:49 -0400

sergioalbiac:

Always and forever (by Sergio Albiac) - Generative fantasy

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On K. Rithings

Fri, 20 Jul 2012 14:53:00 -0400

Name: K. Rithings

Demographic: White/female/mid-20s

Celebrity Doppelganger(s): 10% Christina Hendricks; 15% Drew Barrymore; 15% Nicole Kidman; 10% Julianne Moore; 10% Rosie O’Donnell; 15% Laura Prepon; 15% Saoirse Ronan;

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Fri, 20 Jul 2012 14:43:09 -0400

On A. Son

Fri, 20 Jul 2012 14:42:00 -0400

Name: A. Son

Demographic: White/Female/mid-20s

Celebrity Doppelganger: 30% Tilda Swinton; 15% Taylor Swift; 15% Kristen Stewart; 10% Ashley Greene; 10% George Washington; 10% Susan Sarandon; 10% Sarah Jessica Parker

On J. Redprick

Fri, 20 Jul 2012 14:41:00 -0400

Name: J. Redprick

Demographic: White/Male/early-30s

Celebrity Doppelganger(s): 80% Keanu Reaves; 10% Jared Leto; 10% Johnny Weir

Tit for Tat: Volume 1

Fri, 20 Jul 2012 12:47:49 -0400

*This is a first-hand account*

Two weeks post-breakup.

Redprick: I kissed a girl at Liam’s last night! It was amazing!

Me: Yeah, well I fucked ______. So what’s up?

And my love is a so long song gone forever more.

Fri, 20 Jul 2012 12:42:39 -0400

And my love is a so long song

gone forever more.

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Fri, 20 Jul 2012 12:37:21 -0400

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Fri, 20 Jul 2012 12:20:18 -0400

Trivia and Betrayal (Part 1 of many): The Alliance

Fri, 20 Jul 2012 11:45:00 -0400

*This is a third-hand account*

P. Ricks, the agoraphobic, likes to experiment with social situations. Tonight he has decided to invite Ms. Son and Ms. Rithings to a game of trivia* held at a bar frequented by former bullies and punked-out beauty queens.

Mr. Redprick is unaware and only invited at the last second. Mr. Ricks wants to ensure Redprick’s attendance won’t be a factor in his attempt to impress Ms. Sons and Ms. Rithings with his know-it-all-isms and obvious food abuse.

Redprick bitterly declines. Son and Rithings happily accept.

An alliance is born.

The terms: Redprick must accept that for the rest of the trivia “season” their team name WILL be a fart joke e.g. “Farticles of the Confederation.” If Redprick does not agree to these terms, he is off the team.

Redprick, the intellectual backbone of the team, decides to play alone for the rest of the season.

This was the beginning of the breakup.

—-

*A Note about Trivia: Showtime Trivia is held nightly at bars all over MD, PA, DE and VA area. These games are taken seriously and attended by sad individuals with something to prove either intellectually or emotionally. The most important thing for a team is not smarts or camaraderie, it’s the team name. If you don’t have a good team name, you may as well go home. Some people do.

UB EXPOSED

Fri, 20 Jul 2012 10:57:49 -0400

This is something J. Redprick would attend. Mildly pretentious,...

Fri, 20 Jul 2012 10:48:33 -0400

This is something J. Redprick would attend. Mildly pretentious, mildly hipster bullshit.

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